DOES AGE MATTER IN RELATIONSHIPS?

Relationships are, actually, among the greatest blessings of God. God first created Adam and Eve, and then, He created a whole generation of humans out of the couple. A single being created have different roles according to his relations to other people like parents, siblings, relatives, friends, spouse, and society. An individual’s behaviour varies from person to person according to the needs and demands of the nature of the relationship he has with others.

A parent-child relationship is the best example in certifying the fact that age does not matter. Parents, despite their huge age difference, are the most sincere, loving and caring company, best friends, teachers and counselors to their children.

Similarly, from both the Islamic and sociological perspective, friendship is another significant relationship, which plays a vital role in influencing an individual's mind and attitude. In addition, friendship can also develop the component of spirituality and moral well-being in a person. It’s a chemistry between hearts and minds where someone is able to understand the views of the other person, can discuss issues with him and enjoy the company. In a healthy society, friendship between youth and age is always appreciated where not only both of them learn from each other but also have fun together. Even according to Islam, age does not matter, but the things that matter in friendship are  sincerity, love and care. However, friendship, as a whole, requires wisdom with which each individual may selects his friends.  Describing the conditions of friendship, Ibn Qudamah al-Maqdisi said:

“Not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the necessary characteristics that making friendship with him is something to be desired. The one you seek to be friend must be intelligent, well mannered, must not be a faseq and should not be eager for worldly things”
['Mukhtasar Minhaj al-Qasidin'; p. 126-132] 
Islam emphasizes on certain characteristics but has not specified any age limit to be friends. Similarly, not only friendship, but none of the relations requires people to be of the same age.

History, specifically Islamic history, gives the example of a successful married life of Hazrat Mohammad (PBUH) and Hazrat Khadeejah (R.A) with an age difference of 15 years. If age difference mattered, then how could that marriage be so successful to be a marvelous incident of history where she (R.A) was the dearest wife. Both had exemplary and intense love and respect for each other. Then, love between him (PBUH) and Aaishah (R.A) was also passionate and exemplary despite her being extremely young as compared to him.

This is another idea picked up from Western influences that both spouses must be very close in their ages. There, age differences are thought to be inimical for a happy marriage. But the question is if closeness in age creates better harmony and happiness in a married life? In fact, human experience does not support the assumption. In truth, harmony and happiness is a frame of mind and matter of attitude. If the spouses have the right attitude and the right emotions, age difference is not an issue at all. So, Age is nothing but a number, what matters actually is maturity and the level of thinking.

 In our society, age is now considered as an important factor. Parents want their children to be friends with them but they don’t ever allow them to sit in the  company of elders, from where they might get wisdom of their seniors’ life experiences. So, it is a negative trend that should be discouraged by sensible and well aware people.

BY: AZKAH ANSARI

Sec: D